How anorexia ate me up

Read my previous posting about how I love Starbucks? I didn't even dare to eat ice cubes that made from water at the time I was anorexic. I know I was anorexic when I read The Olsen Twins on some magazines about Mary Kate Olsen. I didn't want to be that way forever. I exercised excessively, I ate only one orange and a bowl of papaya a day, I always exhausted and the hunger made me feel cranky all the time. I isolated myself for a long time. I didn't have the power to walk up the stairs but I do feel pump up to exercise. I see thinness but I feel fatness all over me. I went for aerobics and fitness six days a week, three hours a day. I never go out because I was afraid to eat. I was scared and felt alone. At that time, nobody understands me except for my Mom. I didn't want to see my friends because they always told me to eat something. I got angry at them for just doing that. I wasted almost three years of my life doing those daily routines of just exercising, isolated myself from friends and eating, never go out and being cranky and scared and angry. Can you imagine that? Now, I felt so sorry for those who gets the same eating disorder as I am. It's not something that you can just leave. You have to build a strong mind and soul. Otherwise, It will come and eat you up again. Even when you're healthy again, sometimes it comes and surround you. I'm tired of it and now, every single day, I talk to my mind " you're young, you still have your chance to build yourself up again, being beautiful and you're not fat, you're just the right size, you already exercised a lot and you will never ever get fat". It works and I'm still working on it. Oh, did I told you that I also having a hard time breathing at the time? and also my heart beats sometimes slower than usual and then just go faster and faster until I sweat like crazy? well, it happens. What worse is that my weight went down from 47 to 35 kg. And when I moved to Singapore, I didn't see my therapist, trying to survive by myself and because of the crashing diets, I ended up putting on weight soooo fast that I gain so much til 60 kg. It was a nightmare.

NOW, I am 48 kg, eating right, and building a beautiful mindset.

For those who their loved ones suffering, please get help as soon as possible. I've been through hell and it was not pretty at all. I was in desperate need of help.

Last weekend

Last Saturday, I went to PVJ with my boyfriend and I had a really great time. Movie marathon. It's sooo good. After watching Fast & Furious, we decided to watch Monsters vs Aliens. Two different exciting movies. Afterwards, we went to dinner. The next day, we also went to watch Slumdog Millionaire. It's a great movie. It's beyond great. Really heartbreaking and breathtaking. I love this weekend. And sigh, it's Tuesday already and I have a lot of design assignments:(
I have this class, the 2D design compositions and the lecturer's not cool. I always attend the class, but she didn't take my attendance twice, and refuse to declare it with the administration people. It wasn't my fault, and if I failed her class, it's her fault. God, living in Indonesia is so different with mine a year ago in Singapore. The university? I give a thumb down.

she's sooooo cool!!

Everyone, I think you know who she is... If you dont, ouch! how sad.
A really really edgy and fashionable girl, AGYNESS DEYN. She's soooo cool I wish I can pull such an edgy style like her. I think she's the hottest supermodel I've ever seen.

last night

Last night I went to dinner with my relatives from OZ. It turns out to be a big family event. But I love it and it's so cute seeing my cousin having a hard time to speak indonesian. He moved there when he was little and now he understands more english than indonesian.

see the shoes?

Here's the thing. I shop A LOT. I think I have problems seeing nice things because I will buy it no matter how much it is. I have lots of shoes. More than you can imagine. BUT, I never know why oh why if I feel comfortable with one pair of shoes, I never let it go. Like the one at the picture, it so comfortable. My boyfriend tried to get rid of those shoes so I will wear something else, but still. He has to try harder.

meet my boyfriend

This is my boyfriend, William. We've been together for almost six months and still going strong. Sure, we argue a lot. Really, A LOT. But he's still the nicest person and he has a humongous sense of humor. Sometimes some desperate girls call him, and that is when I get really angry and want to kick their butts. But anyway, he just says 'who's this' and if he didn't know who's calling he just hung up. Good for me:)

election day

After the election, I went to Starbucks, my fave place to chill out and have some greentea frappucino. I'm addicted to it and luckily I have a Starbucks nearby from home. I always go there, sometimes almost everyday, that I already friends with each everyone of the barista. They know I love my greentea costumized and they call it "greentea ica". Cute name. You know how I like it? greentea frappucino no whip extra caramel sauce double greentea powder double blend with dome and sleeve. Hmm... no wonder they shortened it to greentea ica. Anyway, they giving out free coffees for those who did vote. The queue was really long and fortunately, I went there earlier and get the nicest spot! haha :)

greentea ica


cute little coffees they're giving out


the nicest baristas you'll ever find

Let me introduce myself:)

Hi all...
I'm starting this blog because I love writing and taking pictures, and telling people about my life. I chose BEAUTIFUL MIND as the name of my blog, simply because I would love to have that in my world. Being beautiful in my mind, body and soul. It is hard for me to be that way because I suffered from anorexia nervousa for about 3 years and a half, and it was a tough time for me dealing with everything. I went to therapy but it was useless, I suffered but nobody understands. My friends thought it was just a little issue for me, but it wasn't. Nobody was really supportive. And that was the time that I decided, I have to build a beautiful mind myself and I was healed. I still have to struggle myself because there's still something going on inside my mind, and I know that someday, somehow, I can be beautiful inside and out. So, welcome to my world!! :)

XOXO,
missmariezriezriez